Party Food and Drink: How Much is Enough?
by Phyllis Cambria

One of the most frequently asked questions has to do with menu ideas, quantities of food and drink to buy, or beverages to serve. While there are no easy answers, here are some guidelines that should help steer you in the right direction.

THE GANG’S ALL HERE!

If you are hosting an event such as for graduation, either on the same day as graduation or on the weekend
immediately preceding or following the graduation ceremony, plan on an event
with fluctuating attendance. The same holds true for busy holiday parties.

Many people host parties on these special occasions, so guests are often
invited to one or more celebrations. This means that they will “party hop”
and are likely to be at your party for only an hour or two.

When you collect your RSVPs (and you should do this even for an open house
event), try to determine if your guests will be there for the whole event, or
have more than one party to attend. Also ask when they plan to arrive. This
will enable you to calculate your food consumption more accurately.

FOOD AND DRINK

There are several ways to determine the type of menu you are planning:
For parties that take place before the dinner hour, you can plan a cocktails
and canapés event. When the scheduled start time of your event is after
dinner, a desserts-only menu is perfectly acceptable.

Whatever menu plan, be sure to state what type of refreshments will be
served on your invitation. For instance, state if it’s cocktails and canapés,
desserts only, dinner, brunch, barbecue, hot and cold buffet or whatever you
have planned.

If the party is before or during mealtime, you really should plan to serve a
more substantial menu since guests will likely be hungry.

You don’t have to break the bank, but you should plan on something more
hearty than light hors d’oeuvres or desserts alone.

GREAT GRILLING

Nothing tastes better than something from your grill — no matter what type
of grill you own. Whether for an outdoor summer event or winter grilling carried in to serve.

To feed the hungry hordes on a budget, hot dogs, hamburgers and/or chicken
will have them lining up at the barbecue the moment they hear the first
sizzle. Figure on one piece of each meat per guest, adding an extra portion
for every 4-5 guests.

This should ensure you have enough for seconds and for those guests who
prefer one type of food over the other.

This assumes that you are not serving just one type of meat. If that’s the
case, raise that number to 2-3 pieces each.

Shuck and grill or boil one ear of corn per guest. If you have a
quarter-pound of each salad or baked bean casserole per guest, you should
have more than enough to make them feel satisfied.

Don’t forget to add an extra portion for every 4-5 guests. If you plan to
serve less than 3-4 different side dishes, increase the quantity of each from
one-third to one-half pound per person.

When money’s no object, individual steaks and/or one and a half to two-pound
lobsters can’t be beat. If you roast potatoes, steam corn, and serve with a
tossed salad and sliced sweet watermelon, you’ll have a menu that will have
guests planning to spend every holiday at your house!

COST-CONSCIOUS COLD CUTS

Cold cut platters and prepared sandwiches are a party staple, budget-friendly
and can generally be found already prepared at most supermarkets or sandwich
shops.

Don’t forget those meal-by-the-foot sandwiches that can be purchased from a
variety of stores. In fact, the Subway chain offers six-foot sandwiches with
a wide selection of fillings. And with over 15,000 shops in more than 70
countries, they can be found in most communities.

To find a store near you, visit their site at http://www.subway.com.

For greater savings, you also can choose to buy the sliced meats and cheeses
at your local supermarket or delicatessen and arrange on a platter or make
the sandwiches yourself.

Here are some quantities to help you make sure no one leaves hungry.

Plan on one and a half sandwiches per guest. Add a portion for every 4-5
guests to allow for seconds, waste and teen boys who are often “eating
machines.”

Figure a quarter pound of sliced meat, adding a portion for every 4-5 guests
if you are placing the cold cuts on a platter.

With side salads, also plan a quarter pound of salad per guest. There is no
need to add additional portions if you are offering 3-4 different types of
side salads. If you have less, increase the quantities.

The one problem with this calculation is that you are likely serving a
variety of meats and you don’t know who is going to eat roast beef, who is
going to eat ham, or who is going to eat salami. While you don’t have to have
full portions of each, with adult guests, you can assume that you’re likely
going to go through more roast beef, turkey and ham than salami or bologna.

Figure 2-3 slices of several types of cheese for sandwiches or 4-6 cheese
cubes and 5-8 pieces of vegetables on a veggie tray.
If you are serving a tossed salad, put your dressings on the side, including
one or more non-fat varieties, so your salad won’t wilt.

Don’t forget to offer toppings such as sliced tomatoes, lettuce, sprouts,
pepper rings (hot and sweet), sliced olives or other favorites. This also is
a great way to extend your meats and cheeses without a lot more expense.

For sandwiches, be sure to also put out condiments such as mayonnaise,
mustard (several varieties are nice), ketchup, and a mixture of oil and
vinegar (or prepared Italian salad dressing). And don’t forget the pepper and
salt shakers!

Select sliced breads (white, whole wheat, rye and/or pumpernickel) or small
rolls instead of large sub, hoagie or Kaiser rolls. This will help with
smaller appetites and will give your guests the chance to make several
sandwiches with different fillings.

HOT AND HEARTY

If your budget allows, you might want to choose a menu comprised of hot
entrees. If you make the food yourself, this menu idea will likely cost only
a little more than cold cuts.

These dishes are selected because they are party favorites, budget-friendly
and will hold their heat well (assuming you use chafing dishes and sterno,
crock pots, or electric fry pans on a low setting). They also can be prepared
ahead of time and freeze well.

Baked pasta or lasagna, sausage and peppers, roasted chicken, meatballs,
tossed salad and rolls are perennial people-pleasers. There are thousands of
variations and you can find some great recipes at http://www.epicurious.com
or http://www.foodtv.com.

Again, although the problem arises in that it’s difficult to determine who
will eat more of what, here are some time-tested guidelines.

As a rule of thumb, figure on one sausage link, two meatballs and one piece
of chicken per guest (not counting wings). Cook two peppers and one medium
onion per one pound of sausage. (For color and variety, select the sweeter
red, yellow and orange varieties of bell peppers.)

For every 4-5 guests, add a portion. Once more, this will help you have
enough for seconds or people who put more on their plate than they’ll eat.

If you’re making pasta without a set recipe, plan to cook a pound of pasta
for every 6-8 guests and add a portion for every 4-5 guests of this too. A
baked pasta in a casserole recipe works better than plain pasta because it
doesn’t get as sticky, mushy or cold as loose pasta will.

Depending on the type of lettuce and what other veggies you put in there,
you’re looking at one good-size head of iceberg lettuce to feed 6-8 people.
If you’re working with smaller heads such as romaine or Boston, you have to
figure accordingly. Don’t forget to keep dressings on the side for variety
and to keep the salad from wilting.

To save time and ensure crispness, cut, clean and dry all your lettuce and
veggies a day or two ahead. Keep them in separate plastic bags (with a
slightly damp paper towel), refrigerate and mix at the last minute.

The good news is that except the salad, it all freezes well.

There are dozens of cookbooks devoted to leftovers, but here are some
standard ways to use any extra food you may have.

You can make sausage and pepper or meatball sandwiches on a hard roll or
Italian bread. You may use the sausage, meatballs and chicken to make a
savory tomato and meat sauce. Dice the chicken for salads and casseroles. The
peppers and onions can be mixed with eggs for omelets.

We suggest two to three small rolls per guest, with no need to add extras.

COCKTAILS AND CANAPÉS

For those parties that are held in-between meals, you can offer a variety of
hot and cold hors d’oeuvres instead of a full meal.

At parties that run one to two hours, without serving dinner, you should
figure on 5-6 light hors d’oeuvres or 5-8 heavy or combination (light and
heavy) hors d’oeuvres.

(See our BELLY UP TO THE BAR suggestions below for cocktail quantities and
suggestions.)

LET THEM EAT CAKE!

Use your baker’s or recipe’s recommendation as the initial basis for serving
sizes of a cake. Experience tells us, however, that at a party with a
substantial menu and a cake with heavy frosting, will serve about one-quarter
more guests than is recommended. In other words, for a cake that serves 12,
you can count on it serving 15-16 guests.

As a general rule, small children and grab-and-go teens prefer cookies and
bite-sized treats such as brownies or mini-Danish.

SWEET SOLUTIONS

When the party starts after dinner, indulge everyone’s sweet tooth with a
selection of decadent desserts. In addition to your grad’s special cake or
all-American apple pie, offer your choice of donuts or Danish, sherbet or
sorbet, patisserie or pies, flan or fresh fruit, or any confection you wish.
An ice cream sundae bar, supplied with all the fixings, is always a real
crowd pleaser.

To calculate your servings, plan on 2-3 scoops of ice cream, yogurt or
sorbet, 3-4 mini-pastries, 2-3 pieces of fruit, and/or 2-3 thin slices of
cake or pie.

PURSE-STRING SAVERS

If you want to stretch your overall food budget, add a vegetable crudités
platter, chips, pretzels, popcorn, etc. for guests to fill up on before
dinner. This is also a good idea when you may have an extended time from when
the party starts until the buffet is ready. Plus, the snacks will help keep
small children and always-hungry teens in good spirits until the meal is
served.

Don’t forget, leftover vegetables can be steamed to serve with meals, used
for soups, casseroles or as snacks when packing lunches after the party. So
buy in bulk.

For greatest use of your menu extras, take a few moments to divide your
leftovers into individual servings or meal-sized portions before storing.

To control waste, find a store that will allow you to return any unopened
packages of snacks. You also may want to keep a bag or two on hand for
unexpected company in the future. However, many products can become stale or
rancid over time. Be sure to check the product’s freshness date and use
before then.

WARNING: If you have any food that has been left out, away from direct
contact with heat or ice, for more than two hours, do not save. Food spoils
quickly and while it may appear fresh, can contain harmful bacteria that will
grow whether it is refrigerated, frozen or re-heated. Remember, when in
doubt, toss it out!

Keeping food properly chilled or heated is essential during the party too.
Replace any dairy-based salad, condiment or meat, unless it is kept DIRECTLY
on heat or ice, for longer than an hour or two, more frequently in warm
weather. For safety’s sake, serve smaller portions and replace frequently.

BELLY UP TO THE BAR

To determine drink quantities, follow this formula. In general, plan on two
drinks per guest in the first hour and one drink per guest each hour
thereafter.

If the weather is warm and/or people are involved in strenuous activities
(dancing, sports, swimming) and/or you have many teens or small children,
increase your quantities.

There is a trend lately that some guests are starting with
alcohol and switching to soft drinks or water after the first hour or two.
Don’t forget that some people are either non-drinkers or are the designated
driver, so be sure to have delicious and attractive non-alcoholic drinks
available as well.

However, what people drink is completely unique. That’s why bars offer such a
variety. Who prefers beer to wine? Who likes a soft drink instead of wine?
Who drinks red wine, who drinks white? Who likes a mixed drink, who likes
beer? That’s why bars have such a large stock — to satisfy the tastes of so
many people.

White wine (Chablis or Chardonnay) used to be more popular, but lately more
people are choosing a red wine (Merlot or Cabernet). On the other hand, if
you want to “split the difference,” serve a white zinfandel or rosé.

If you need to limit the choices of hard liquor, select vodka because it can
be mixed with so many things. If your budget allows, also can add favorites
such as scotch, rye, rum, tequila and one or more sweet drinks such as
Amaretto, Frangelico or peach schnapps.

At large parties with many beer drinkers, a keg is a more cost-conscious way
of serving, but it is also more labor-intensive and requires more space and
ice.

Note: Personalize plastic drink glasses by writing guests names on them with
permanent ink. This will save you the trouble and expense of a lot of
half-full glasses being discarded because a guest couldn’t remember which
glass was his or hers.

TIP: Serve soft drinks and juices from large bottles or pitchers in personalized

glasses to avoid the waste of unfinished cans of beverages.

Don’t forget that if you mix ginger ale, fruit juice, 7-Up, club soda or
Sprite, you can turn the wine into a spritzer which gives you more options.
These mixers without the wine also can served to guests who aren’t imbibing.

Don’t forget to add bottled water to your list as well.

When you are concerned about buying too much liquor, here is a suggestion.
Find a liquor store that will allow you to return any unopened stock. That
way you can bring back cases of beer or soda that aren’t used. Check with
warehouse stores like Costco or Sam’s Club. In addition to getting a good
price, they can help you decide on quantities and are usually open to taking
back unopened bottles and six-packs. However, they do have some restrictions,
so check with them first.

Remember that a good bottle of wine or quality liquor also makes a nice
hostess gift throughout the year.

If you must stay within a beverage budget, then serve wine, beer and/or soft
drinks alone.

For the greatest savings, serve an alcoholic and plain punch. You can find
numerous drink and punch recipes on our Web site:
under “Party Potables”.

TIP: To avoid youngsters “accidentally” dipping into the “spiked” punch bowl,
choose recipes that are two different colors and use see-through drinking
glasses. This will tell you at a glance whether you need to make a
substitution.

THE BIG CHILL

One of the most important considerations, and the one most likely overlooked
is ice. You can never have too much ice.

On average, for a four-hour party, figure on 2-3 lbs. of ice per
guest. In warm weather, making frozen drinks, beverages on ice or guests are
up and active, figure on 5-6 lbs. per guest.

You also will need 3-4 ten-pound bags of ice for each large cooler or tub.
Add a little water to the ice to make the drinks chill more quickly.

TIP: Don’t let your guests get frostbite by having to dig through a cooler,
large tub or trash can for a cold beverage. If it’s a serve-yourself bar,
then keep a smaller container for guests’ consumption. Re-stock often, using
heavy-duty rubber gloves or tongs, to retrieve iced beverages from your main
supply.

HAVE A SEAT

At parties where you want guests to mill around, you won’t require seating
for more than one-third to one-half of your guests. However, if you are
planning for everyone to eat at the same time, especially if it’s a full
meal, do make certain that you not only have enough seats, but also enough
places for guests to rest their plate. There’s few things more annoying than
trying to eat a full supper while juggling a plate, drink and utensils.

HELPING HANDS

Be a good host to yourself first! Don’t get stuck in the kitchen bussing
tables or restocking the buffet or bar during the party. Get help. Hire
responsible teens who are not in the graduating class or look through your
yellow page directory. You will likely find qualified servers under
HOSPITALITY STAFFING or MAID headings. You also might ask a favorite waiter
to make suggestions for host-helpers.

It’s a small investment that will pay for itself when you consider you will be able to relax more and be a better host.

Putting together a big event, whether it be a rally, a convention, a meeting, or a wedding, can be a huge hassle. There is so much to put together at one time, and there is so much riding on getting it all right and having everything come together in just the correct way to make it all work out. This can involve thousands of things from technology like public address systems and displays, to decorations that have to be in place, to caterers, cooks, and serving staff that all have to be uniformed, paid, and told what to do and where to be. Beyond that, you have to deal with things you might not think of like seating arrangements, where to put portable restroom facilities if your event is outside, dealing with liquor permits, noise and concert permits, or large public space usage if that happens to be an issue with your event, in addition to printing costs and costs of marketing the event or sending out invitations as the case may be. With all of that, when you’re running all over and scrambling to put everything together, the last thing you tend to think of is, “hold on, what if someone freaks out and tries to stab cousin Ricky,” or, “what if a bunch of punk teenagers come in and start throwing eggs at our distinguished guests?” This is why you are probably going to need to get at least some kind of security services if you’re holding a public event.

If your event is being held at a venue which is commonly holding events such as a event center or a convention center, it may be that there are built in security services with your space rental, but this might not necessarily be the case, and they also may have restrictions on third-party security allowances, so be sure to check with the venue sales team before you just go and start hiring Big John’s Tuxedoed Bouncers to take care of your political fundraiser dinner. Beyond that, there is a lot to cover here, so we’ll go ahead and get into it and get started, breaking down some of the important details behind getting event management security services for your next big event.

What Kind of Security do I Need?

This is going to be a tricky thing, but there really isn’t a set answer. If you’re going to be serving alcohol at your event, you’ll at least need a small modicum of security in order to protect yourself according to state laws from any sort of charge related to selling alcohol to minors. Beyond that, make sure to check with your local government for any laws concerning security or event management personnel that have to be provided for events of certain size, as laws and statutes regarding such events do exist in some places (for instance, events of over 500 people may have to have a security or event services force of at least 10 to ensure public safety in your local suburb).

Once you’ve legally covered yourself, this is all really going to depend on how you feel about the security of your event. Many public events, even outdoor events in large public areas, go off with no security and nothing ever goes wrong. An event management team isn’t entirely necessary for evertyhing, but the more complex your event, the more likely you might need some help pulling things off. Here are some factors to consider with your event that might determine the size of your event management staff or your security team.

•Size – Plain and simple, more people is more opportunity for trouble. If you’re going to have a larger event, you’re going to need more people working there. This is generally pretty self explanatory, so just see what you’ve got going on in terms of attendance and go from there.

•Exclusivity Vs. Interest – If your event is highly exclusive, like a party for everyone who works at your large company, you will need more security to protect that exclusivity, and if interest is high, for instance, because there’s a celebrity involved, you’ll need more security for that as well. Obviously, if you then have a very exclusive event which has very high interest, for example, a movie premiere, or a album release party for a major artist, you’re going to need very high security.

•Nature of the event – Is this a wedding or a rock concert? A freshman mixer or a political rally? The more high energy the atmosphere is, the more likely there is to be a security issue. This is true of political events and musical events. The group of people you’ll attract to a heavy metal show, for instance, is going to be excited for heavy metal and may be more likely to create security problems, then say, a group of senior citizens attending the wedding of someone’s granddaughter.

•Alcohol – Any time alcohol is served, it almost always beefs up your need for security, both to keep people who don’t belong out, and to keep people inside from causing a ruckus. People generally want to act reasonable in a public setting, and just have a good time without bothering anyone or being bothered, but then people get drunk, and event management security needs to be there to step in when someone starts accusing the bartender of being a communist and tries to grope the mother of the bride.

Event security management is going to be important for your event, and you’re going to have to make sure to leave money in your budget to cover your security team. Remember, briefing your security team before hand as to what is and what isn’t considered acceptable behavior at your event, in addition to letting them know what the preferred method for handling security issues will be is a good idea that is going to save you a lot of headaches in the end.

By The Associated Press
Surprising a spouse with a new car or an extravagant piece of jewelry is an expensive way to express affection, but at least there aren’t tax consequences.

But gay couples, technically, should file a gift tax return — gifts worth more than $12,000 come with tax consequences. So one could imagine the results if an individual decides to retitle a home or bank account, giving half to his or her domestic partner. These issues, which don’t exist for the legally wed, are just the tip of the iceberg and underscore the importance of careful financial planning, whether you’re filing your income taxes or planning for retirement and regardless of where you live. The same issues apply to unmarried heterosexual couples.

Same-sex couples need to keep in mind that even though domestic partnerships or civil unions are recognized by some states — California, Vermont, Connecticut, New Jersey, Maine and Hawaii — and gay marriage is allowed in Massachusetts, you remain strangers in the eyes of the federal government. In fact, one financial planner points out that there are about 1,049 federal laws that benefit those allowed to take an official trip down the aisle.

“Any rights you would want to have as a married couple, you need to re-create in a legal document,” says Todd G. Sears, a senior financial adviser who founded the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) financial-services team at Merrill Lynch & Co.

That will require a lot of paper. Some of the documents needed and the terminology will vary from state to state, but here’s a basic list that same-sex partners should have:

Wills and/or revocable living trusts and pour-over wills: Without a will or revocable trust, you risk having your assets pass to family members instead of your partner. It also allows you to name a guardian for minor children. A revocable living trust — in which assets are titled to the trust and your trustee distributes your assets per your wishes after your death — is considered more difficult to contest. A living trust also keeps your affairs private because it avoids probate, unlike a will, which becomes part of the public record. A living trust should be used with a pour-over will, which will cause any assets left out to “pour over” into the trust after you die.

Advance health-care directive; health-care-authorization proxy; durable power of attorney for health care: Generally speaking, these documents appoint an agent — your partner — to make medical decisions on your behalf should you become incapacitated. They also will allow visitation, which can be denied unless you’re a spouse or family member. Sears also recommends giving your partner Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act authorization, a document that will authorize your insurer to release medical information to your partner.

Durable power of attorney for finances: This document designates an agent, whether it’s your partner or an adviser who will keep your partner’s interests in mind, to make financial decisions if you’re incapacitated, says Philip J. Hoskins, an attorney in Los Angeles.

Domestic partner agreement: Much like a prenuptial agreement for married couples, this document — also called a living-together or property-sharing agreement — spells out who gets what in the event of a split or death. “There is no such thing as gay alimony,” says Merrill’s Sears.

Parenting agreements: Same-sex couples should visit with an attorney if they have or are planning to have children, because every situation is different. Depending on your circumstances and where you live, you might consider joint-custody agreements or second-parent adoption. If you’re thinking of adopting internationally, one planner says to wait to document your partnership (such as getting married in Massachusetts) because attitudes in other countries toward gay unions may impede the process.

Beneficiaries: Be sure to review your beneficiary designations on retirement accounts, stock options, life insurance and any other assets.

Domestic-partner registration: In certain states, couples can register as domestic partners and will be afforded state spousal rights, such as the right to inherit without a will. But even if you can and do register, experts advise documenting everything, no matter what your status.

“Whatever you do, put it (all) in writing, even if you register as domestic partners,” attorney Hoskins says. “Don’t leave things to chance. Otherwise, you are stuck with what the state tells you you’re stuck with.”

To fully experience the benefits of having marriage vows, you need to stay connected to them. In The Marriage Vow Workbook and our relationship coaching, we help couples design a ritual they will use to reconnect with their intentions, their inner wisdom, and their partner. Below are several tips you can use in creating your own marriage vow support system. . .whether your wedding is yet to happen, is just past, or happened years ago.

• Review your vows at least monthly.

• Read them aloud to each other, taking time to look into your partner’s eyes. This can be one of the most connecting and loving actions you take with each other.

• Remind yourself that the vows you wrote are as much for your benefit as they are for your partner’s. They are reminders of how you want to be in this relationship.

• Make recommitting to your vows part of a larger relationship-deepening practice.

• Keep your vows visible. Both of us have copies in our day-planners. We had our original relationship commitments (the vows we created when we were dating) printed in calligraphy onto poster board. They are now displayed prominently in our bedroom.

• Acknowledge yourself for having fulfilled your vows as best you could. Even if you’ve fallen short of your commitments, give yourself credit for what you have done.

• Be gentle with each other as you use your vows to strengthen your marriage.

• Remember to bring love and compassion into the process along with your introspection and honesty.

• Recognize that revisiting and recommitting to your vows is not about being “right” or “wrong.” It is simply an opportunity to check in and see if you’re fulfilling the promises you made on your wedding day and to change course if you’ve strayed from your intention.

We have revisited our vows at least monthly since we married on May 30, 1999. Our reconnection ritual is one of our favorite times as it fully connects us to the same depth and intensity of love that we felt on our wedding day.

It’s as if we return to the honeymoon stage of our relationship every time we recite our vows. We know that writing our own vows and revisiting them on a regular basis has helped us create one of the most solid and loving relationships we know. We want you, and all couples, to enjoy such a relationship.

© 2006, Shonnie Lavender and Bruce Mulkey

Shonnie Lavender and Bruce Mulkey are the authors of I Do! I Do! The Marriage Vow Workbook, a step-by-step resource for creating wedding vows that are uniquely yours. They offer additional no-nonsense resources for creating ideal relationships, including tips for a successful wedding and marriage, personal samples of wedding vows, and the I Do! I Do! podcast.

by Kathryn Lemmon, Wedding Zone Staff Writer

Traditionally, on the day before your wedding, the festivities get started with a rehearsal. Over time, this function has split into two separate events, a practice session along with a meal. The meal brings together close friends and family, generally the same people who attended the rehearsal, plus appropriate others.

Is a rehearsal of the ceremony really necessary?

Although a formal rehearsal of the ceremony is not required, most officiants will want to take a run through of the full program. Those included would be the bride and groom, their parents, the wedding party and any readers/singers. The officiant will give everyone their cues for the next day, so things will go smoothly. Knowing where to stand and what to do will ensure everyone is a fraction less nervous at the wedding.

What if we can’t use the wedding site for the rehearsal?

Ideally, you should have the rehearsal at the wedding site. This can be especially valuable if there are young children in the wedding party. Sometimes however, the requirements of the site do not make a rehearsal feasible. A rehearsal can be done in someone’s home, or in just about any large space.

What’s the function of the rehearsal dinner?

After the rehearsal, everyone gathers for a celebration dinner, where the bride and groom are the center of attention. In this less-formal setting, family members meeting for the first time can mingle and get better acquainted. Unlike the Big Day, the bride and groom are under less pressure and have more time to talk with relatives in a relaxed fashion.

Once everyone has arrived and is seated, either the bride or groom should take a moment to welcome their guests with a few heartfelt words and thank them for attending.

Numerous toasts are usually part of the rehearsal dinner. If you need someone to start the toasts, the groom’s father is a good choice.

Who should be invited to the dinner?

The rehearsal dinner guest list should include immediate family, (parents and siblings) wedding-party members and any spouses and significant others along with the parents of any child attendants. You should invite the officiant and his/her spouse to the dinner, unless it’s a civil service. If you have out-of-town guests who have already arrived for the wedding, you can invite them to the dinner portion of the evening.

Who handles the costs of the dinner?

The groom’s parents ordinarily pay for this meal, but these days it can be hosted by anyone. No matter who hosts, be sure they are involved in the entire planning process.

Is it necessary to send formal invitations to the rehearsal dinner?

No, engraved invitations are not necessary, unless you’re planning an event as big and formal as the wedding reception. For most couples, word-of-mouth or simple phone calls are fine.

When is the rehearsal dinner?

Often, this event is on the eve of the wedding, however it could be anytime during that day, as in morning, noon, or evening. The term “dinner” is used loosely.

Where should the dinner be held?

Where you hold the event will depend on the number of people you expect to attend and the costs involved. The options are wide open, from a casual barbecue in the backyard to a table for twenty-five at the local country club. Keep in mind, relaxation and chatting are high priorities at this event. The location should also be convenient for out-of-town guests, who may not be familiar with your city. Provide a detailed map if necessary.

Should I handout gifts during the dinner?

In addition to family members meeting each other, the dinner provides an excellent opportunity for the couple to hand out their attendant’s thank-you gifts. Chances are, this setting will be much less hectic than the reception and can make the gift giving more personalized. The couple should present their parents or anyone else who was an important part of the wedding process, with a token of appreciation.

by Claire Bowes, owner of www.1st-for-greeting-cards.com

Bridal showers are one of many pre-wedding parties and are great fun. They are known as parties with a purpose. The purpose of a shower is to assist the couple in equipping their new home or for the bride to assemble a trousseau. Not only that, but they are a good excuse for the bride to get together with her friends and family to play hilarious games and to enjoy the food and wine.

Did you know that a trend has started for ‘couples showers’? This is sometimes termed as the ‘Jack’ and ‘Jill’ shower where you shower both the bride and groom with gifts and good wishes. Either way, if you are having a traditional shower party for just the bride, or decide to have a couples shower, then the planning and the checklist will invariably be the same.

Here is an outline of a wedding shower checklist to get you on your way to organizing a great shower party.

Who should host the shower?

Traditionally the maid of honour tends to plan the shower party. But today, anything goes and it is perfectly acceptable for both family and friends to work together to organize, host and share the cost of the wedding shower. It doesn’t really matter who actually hosts the party as long as it is planned well in advance and normally in consultation with the bride. If the shower is planned to be in someone’s home, then it’s always a good idea to choose the person with the largest home or garden.

When to have your party

Because of the busy schedule the bride and her family will have in the lead up to her wedding, it is best to hold the shower about four to six weeks before the wedding. A growing trend is that more wedding showers are no longer a surprise and statistics show that 4 out of 5 brides are employed, therefore it is necessary to include the bride in the planning when it comes to setting a date and time. A traditional ‘girl-only’ party could be a Sunday brunch, a midweek lunch or an afternoon tea garden party.

Couples showers are best held on a weekend day or evening. The majority of people tend to work between 9-5 Monday-Friday, therefore a weekend is a safe bet in that most of the couples’ friends and relatives can attend. If you are having a shower party with work colleagues, then the ideal time would be in your lunch hour or straight after work.

Who to invite

Apart from your family members, the host should invite people you know well whether it be friends, relatives or work colleagues. You don’t want to invite too many people, as a large group tends to split off in small separate groups. You want everyone to interact with each other and be a manageable size for everybody to play the hilarious shower games and not feel left out. Taking all this into consideration, a comfortable shower should involve about 10-20 people.

You don’t necessarily need to buy expensive shower invitations. Another growing trend is that many brides are doing their wedding research on the Internet. The internet has opened up many ‘cheaper’ avenues and you can now get some great printable-wedding-shower-invitations. These invitations are customized with your own wording and design, and are printed directly from your own printer.

What’s your Theme?

As with the actual wedding, it is wise to choose a theme before sending out the invitations. The theme can then be used throughout the shower and incorporated in with the invitations, decorations, favors and refreshments.

There are literally dozens of topics for a shower party theme. The most popular is the ‘kitchen’ theme as there are endless pieces of equipment and accessories you can buy for the kitchen. The host knows the bride well and will surely fit a theme around either what the bride and groom need, or their lifestyle. For example if the happy couple are both into health and fitness, then a fitness theme could be an option.

One good idea for a couples shower is a wine tasting theme. This is ideal for a Saturday night party and I am sure the men will enjoy this one and easily get into the swing of things!

Food, Favors and Games

Food: It depends on the theme and location for which type of food to prepare. For example, if you are holding a ‘wine tasting theme’, then a finger buffet with crackers, nuts and other nibbles goes down well with wine. If you are holding a garden shower party, consider light finger food – cheeses, crackers, fresh fruit, mini-quiches, blueberry cream puffs, crab dip and a bacon, egg and cheese casserole and salads.

Favors: Some people choose not to give shower favors. It really depends on where you live and if it is a tradition in your area or not. If you do, you don’t have to go overboard with favors if you want to keep the expense down. Give something small and useful like a scented candle. Most people like scented candles and they are practical. A potpourri satchel is another welcome and practical idea.

Games: Everyone should be included in the shower games. Shower party games are a great ice-breaker for people to get to know each other. Games can include bridal shower bingo as this is always a big hit as is what’s in the bag (memory game). Trivia questions about the bride and groom or making a wedding dress with toilet paper are all fun games to be had.

Thank You Cards: Normally a simple ‘thank-you’ was enough, but today, with showers being larger and guests busier, a personal note is the only way to make sure that sincere appreciation is expressed.

Summary

Bridal showers are meant to be fun. They do need a lot of planning and organization in advance, but they are worth it. The bride and groom receive practical gifts for their home, and shower party’s are a great excuse to get together with friends and family to have one whale of a time!

by Carrie Hunter, Invitation Dealers of America, Inc. … www.InvitationStores.org

Every bride knows her guests first impression of her wedding comes from the invitation. Invitations not only set the tone for the event but also convey the couples personalities. While searching through hundreds of invitation styles, brides may find themselves being overwhelmed by the choices not to mention the etiquette that should be followed. Often, your best bet in ordering invitations comes from visiting your local stationery expert. Stationery experts will listen to your thoughts and plans and help you pull all the pieces together so your guests will receive the perfect invitation to the event you’ve spent so much time planning.

So how do you find your local expert? Look in the yellow pages under Invitations. Now that you’ve found someone local who can help you with your invitations you make plans to stop by the store one afternoon on your lunch hour only to find ordering invitations is not something you can do in 15 minutes. Even with your stationery expert guiding you through multiple invitation albums and writing your order, you can plan on spending a good 2 hours at the store.

Tips to ordering your invitations:

- Bring all the necessary information. This includes the name & address of the ceremony site, reception site, any artwork you need for a map.

- Know how many invitations to order. Remember when counting this number to only count the number of invitations, not the number of guests.

- Make your stop all inclusive. Your stationery store provides a lot more than invitations. Look over your “to do” list, as you will be able to cross off many of these items. Some of these include: thank you cards, informals, programs, napkins, table favors, reception decorations, albums, pens, glasses, garters, flower girl baskets, ring bearer pillows, unity candles, gifts for your wedding party, etc.

- Have fun! This is the most important step. Plan on making an event out of it. Bring your mom, maid of honor or maybe even your fiancee. Your wedding is a time of joy and should not be rushed or stressful.

Which ever style of wedding invitations you choose, be sure to let your local invitation expert assist you with every step of the process. After all, your wedding is the most important event, so don’t just flip through impersonal catalogs and web sites when there is a wonderful person in your town waiting to offer you years of experience.

by Kathryn Lemmon, Wedding Zone Staff Writer

In decades past, when a couple got married, the whole community came out to celebrate in the town square, bearing gifts for the happy sixteen year olds. But then of course, the town square didn’t charge thirty dollars a head and the gifts consisted of live chickens and pigs. Weddings have become a bit more complicated since those days.

Narrowing down the guest list will be one of your most challenging and important wedding tasks, since the size will greatly affect your overall wedding expenses and the site options. It’s a rare bride and groom who don’t have to edit their original list, whether dealing with 30 or 300 people.

Most likely, you, your fiancé, and both families will be contributing names to the list, and each party will have their own ideas about who is necessary and who is not. To help, try this list-cutting strategy:

Start by setting a goal for your list size. Base this on your budget, on space limitations or both. Have everyone involved submit a list of the people they’d like to attend. From the top, they should rank the names in order of importance. Then, cross off any duplications.

Add up the names and compare that number with your goal. If your count is over the limit, determine how many need to be eliminated. Then, cut a number of names from each list starting at the bottom, until you reach the desired amount.

Here’s another option. Since most reception halls and caterers don’t need a final head count until the week before the wedding, you have the option of creating an A and B list. Make two groups on your list: A, the people you really want to attend and B, the people you would like to see there, but aren’t quite as significant as A list guests.

Send out your entire A list invitations first, and wait for your responses to come back. For every “no” response you get, immediately send out an invitation to someone on your B list. It’s important not to make it obvious that someone on your B list was “2nd choice”. In other words, don’t send out a B list invitation a week before your wedding!

Experts with years of experience in wedding planning say approximately one quarter of those invited won’t attend, so you can safely invite more people than you actually expect.

Be forewarned, if more than one person controls the guest list, things can get stressful. Preparing the list and keeping all family members happy, requires diplomacy and tact. Here’s another possible idea: any person who wishes to invite more than his or her allotted amount should be willing to pay for those additional guests. However, you still must keep in mind the seating capacity of the ceremony and reception venue.

What about inviting children? Most people agree, kids change the dynamic of a wedding, sometimes for the worse. If unsupervised, groups of children will take over the dance floor at the reception and their antics can be disruptive. On the other hand, children are part of the family and having three or four generations at a wedding can make the event especially memorable.

If you’re inviting a number of couples with children, it might be best not to include any kids at all, with the exception of the ring bearer and flower girl. Simply address their invitation to Mr. and Mrs. Sam Miller. Sending an invitation to Mr. Sam Miller and Family, indicates you wish to include everyone in the event.

Some couples hire a baby-sitter, a clown or magician to keep the smaller children happy and occupied during the reception. This could be an option for both the church and the reception hall.

Another rule of thumb, if you haven’t seen or spoken with a person in two to three years, take them off your guest list. Save the spots for the most important people in your life now, rather than your best friend from summer camp twenty years ago.

by Kathryn Lemmon, Wedding Zone Staff Writer

Etiquette and tradition play an important role in preparing wedding invitations. Narrowing the guest list and assembling current addresses is just the beginning.

Invitations should be selected as soon as the date is set and the guest list is completed. Usually couples select them at least three to six months in advance to allow plenty of time for ordering, proofreading the text and addressing the invitations or hiring a calligrapher. Invitations should be mailed no later than four to six weeks before the wedding and up to eight weeks ahead for summer or holiday weddings, due to busy schedules.

The items you order for your invitation set should include the invitation itself, as well as several enclosures. The invitation announces the wedding couple and their sponsors. Of course, it also lets your guests know the date, time and location of the ceremony.

Enclosures are the small cards included with the invitation. They provide more detailed information than is available on the invitation itself. In addition to reception and response cards, you may have other types of enclosures such as pew cards, maps or “within the ribbons” cards. “Within the ribbons” or pew cards are primarily used for very formal weddings only. Pew cards are included in the invitation of guests of distinction, such as close family members and special friends. These guests present their cards upon arrival at the ceremony to receive their “within the ribbons” front row seating.

Map cards should be included for all the out-of-town guests who may have trouble finding the ceremony or reception site.

Invitations normally come with two envelopes, an inner and an outer. However, the more contemporary, square sizes usually only come with single outer envelopes. The outer envelope serves as the mailing vehicle, while the inner envelope protects the invitation. For added elegance, the inner envelopes may be enhanced with colored linings. Most inner envelopes won’t have a gummed flap.

When writing your invitations, here are some key points to remember. Traditional British spelling is often used for words such as “honour and favour.” Each line of the address should be centered for a balanced look. Courtesy titles such as Mr., Miss, or Mrs. are always used. The title Ms. should be reserved exclusively for business correspondence and should not be used on a wedding invitations. Military titles are handled by rank. Always spell out full names, (not nicknames or abbreviations) and dates, times and addresses are also spelled out.

Depending upon the number of enclosures, the size and weight of your invitations, extra postage may be required. It’s a good idea to take one of your invitation ensembles (pre-stuffed) to the post office, so it can be weighed for the exact postage.

Here are a few additional pointers. It’s customary to send an invitation to your minister, priest, or rabbi and their spouse. All children over the age of eighteen should receive their own separate invitation. Plan to order an additional 25 invitations to allow for the unexpected.

If your wedding is very small or private, you may want to send announcements to those friends and relatives you were unable to invite to the ceremony. Typically, announcements are sent immediately following the wedding and include the time and location of the ceremony. An “at home card” may accompany the announcement to inform friends and family of your new address and phone number.

Finally, you’ll probably need a final guest count by two weeks prior to the ceremony, so you can notify your caterer. Some people put a number on the back of each response card, to correspond with the guest name on their master list. That way if the guest forgets to put their name on the response card, you can match up the name with the number on the list.

by Kathryn Lemmon, Wedding Zone Staff Writer

The numerous rules and standards of wedding etiquette can be worrisome for couples planning their nuptials. Here are some frequently asked etiquette questions.

Q: Who should host an engagement party?

Traditionally, this is hosted by the bride’s parents, but in recent years this has opened up. Now, just about any relative on either side can host the party, as well as friends of the bride and groom. The hosts should be thanked with a small gift, flowers or perhaps a dinner invitation.

Q: I understand I should purchase gifts for my attendants. What is appropriate?

Options would include: pearl earrings, a jewelry box, crystal vase, small silver clock or a nice pen & pencil set.

Q: What are the typical bridesmaids expenses?

Bridesmaids are responsible for the purchase of the dress, shoes and all accessories. They should pay for all transportation to and from the wedding. Etiquette also says they should purchase an individual gift for the couple and share the cost of a luncheon, shower or co-ed party.

Q: My father passed away last year. How can I still include him in the ceremony?

A single rose on the alter, with an explanation in the program would be fitting. You could include a meaningful verse or quotation or a personal note, as well. At the reception you might want to dedicate a special song to him.

Q: I’m having trouble narrowing down my list of attendants. Is seven too many?

Yes, seven is probably stretching etiquette just a bit. Select your top four and ask them first. If one or more are unable to fill the role, then go down your list.

Q: Is it proper to send invitations to the caterers, photographers, disc jockeys etc.?

No, it’s generally not necessary and isn’t expected.

Q: Should I mention where we are registered in our invitation?

Any mention of registries, gifts, etc., is considered improper within an invitation.

Q: My co-workers (twenty of them) are throwing a shower for me. Am I obligated to invite them all to the wedding and reception?

No, you need not. If it’s a “work” shower, thrown with coworkers only, and not your main shower, you do not need to invite everyone.

Q: How long does the bride have to send thank-you notes?

In times past 3-4 months was acceptable, but in our hurry-up society 4-6 weeks is more appropriate. Also, etiquette indicates all thank-you’s should be hand-written, on nice note paper.

Q: Our pastor has no fee, but said we could make a donation toward custodial services. How much should we donate?

First of all, tipping the officiant is traditional and in good taste. However, the amount varies throughout the world. As a general figure, I’d suggest $100-$200. Have the best man give the money to the officiant, explaining that some is custodial and some is for his/her kindness.

Q: I have both a father and step-father. How do I handle the father/daughter dance at the reception?

They could each get a full dance with you. If you select this option, dance with man you feel closest to first. On the other hand, if there’s any family friction (or if this will cause friction) you could omit this dance from the event.

Q: Should meal choices be listed on response cards or should we just select one meal?

Both are acceptable. As a side note, chicken is the most popular choice.

——————————————————————————–